Friday, October 5, 2007

Oh! The Horror!

So I've begun the horror bonanza that I've been looking forward to for months (I like to hold off all horror until October, it's a Halloween thing) with a plop.

Day 1: October 1, 2007

The Woods

This movie wasn't bad, but it also wasn't good. It tells the story of a young girl sent to an all girl boarding school in New England in 1965. Now, for all you pervs out there who like the idea of girls in uniform this film has got plenty of that going on. It also has Bruce Campbell, and as far as I'm concerned he might be the greatest B-movie actor ever. Unfortunately, his role is kind of limited and we miss out on his over-the-top acting style so deftly honed in the Evil Dead Series. This movie focuses strongly on witchcraft and channeling the spirits of the forest blah blah blah... After Harry Potter I just don't think that witches are scary anymore, fantasy killed the genre for me. I just kept imagining Hermione Granger Jumping out and yelling "Expelliarmus!" On a scale of 1-5 skulls, I give this one 2.

Population 436

Let me start by saying this, Fred Durst is in the movie... Now if you are still reading this that tells me one of two things: A) You don't have much else to do, or B) You were a Limp Bizkit fan. If the latter is true I want for you to smash you face into your keyboard right... NOW! Now for those of you who aren't unconscious or bleeding from your eyes, this movie should not have been called horror. It is a disgrace to the genre. This was the least scary "horror" movie that I have ever seen. It's the story of a town called Rockwell Falls that has had a moratorium put on the population to hold it at 436 because bad things happen when it gets any higher. But it's not scary, at all. A wee bit creepy, maybe, if you are 5 years old. Imagine the Stepford Wives meets Deliverence. Don't waste your time with this one. I give it 0.5 skulls.

Day 2: October 2, 2007

The Grudge 2 (Hollywood version)

I am a huge fan of this horror franchise created by Shimizu Takashi, and it was produced by Sam Raimi (The Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, Darkman, Spiderman), so I thought that I was in for a good fright. Kayako (Kayoko?) is one of the best ghosts I've ever seen on film, but this was definitely the weakest title to date. In keeping in line with the Japanese sequel entitled JuOn 2 the story and time line are disjointed and hard to follow (parts of it take place in Tokyo, Chicago, Pasadena, and a fictional village in rural Japan), but this does play into keeping up the intensity and suspense of the story. They borrowed a few gags and scares from the Japanese titles, so if you've seen them you might not be so surprised or scared this time around. One of the things that surprised me the most was just how well everyone in Tokyo (and in the small village) could speak English, but that was probably just done for the sake of American audiences. I give it 2.5 skulls.

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